Wednesday, April 19, 2006

bubby

(buh-bee) n. (1) a supplier of marijuana; (2) an affectionate Jewish grandmother; (3) a woman's breast or one of a pair of bubbies; (4) a great brunch spot in NYC; (5) the name of a baby echidna, an unusual mammal (monotreme) commonly known as spiny aneater that lays eggs and suckles its young (see RIGHT image); (6) a sad, divorced, loving middle-aged father's little boy

It turns out the term bubby is not just "bobby" or "booby" spelled wrong. Bubby is its own term and can be used as an affectionate label for grandmothers, little boys, spiny anteaters, and other loved ones...like your local drug dealer. It looks like there is a bubby in some shape or form in everyone's life.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

second virginity

(se-kund vur-ji-nitee) n. a state of having technically lost one's virginity in the heat of a moment while a soulful virginity is saved for a man/woman that one truly cares for, e.g., 'Being a second virgin doesn't mean I can't have a boyfriend, or make out with a guy at a party.'1

The state of Gen X Japanese men and their sexual lives have been likened to "camels in a dry spell." Ouch. But before you pass judgment, it seems that these second virgins do not thirst for physical intimacy with a female partner. In fact, they're content with life minus the conjugal visits (see content Japanese male exemplar, right image). Yes, it turns out these Japanese men find life a lot more fulfilling without the periodic hip thrusts. Sex is just an "annoyance." That's too bad because currently Japan has one of the lowest birth rates in the world2. It's so bad there that the government has had to enact several plans to encourage women to "stay home and breed." So, what is a nation to do when the baby-making factory has stopped operating? Here's an idea: toss out the disturbingly graphic japanime and sexually-deviant cartoon pussycat and introduce some grown-up porn to the local newsstands. That way, a natural desire for real human female-loving is once again instilled in Japanese men (the straight ones, that is). Real women, having once taken second place after lewd colored cartoon drawings, will feel desired again. And the government can stop racking their brains trying to draw up more effective procreation-promotion policies because love--erm, or lust for that matter--will pave the way.

1 Excerpt taken from a cheesy sophomore confessional in SEX, ETC. -Stories.
2 For more info, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4065647.stm

Friday, March 10, 2006

VoG

(vee-oh-ji) n. stands for the "Voice of God;" one of the nicknames given to Don LaFontaine, one of five major million-dollar voice-over actors famous for his sexy, husky voice in more than 4000 movie trailers; also see The King of the Movie Trailers

Did you ever wonder who was responsible for all those enrapturing trailer narrations that always start with booming clich├ęs like "In a world where..." or "From the bedroom to the boardroom...?" I know I never cared. And if I did, it was merely because I thought the trailer would've been better off without the annoying, over-played baritone voice pumped through the speakers. Even the most avid movie-goer who has never missed The Twenty and has seen every movie preview in existence at least ten times could probably give a rat's behind about the man behind that trailer voice. So, it may appear to be a rather sad life for The VoG, Mr. LaFontaine...but maybe not so sad when you consider how much dough a deep bellowing voice can get you in Hollywood. It seems that there is some unwritten law that all trailers be narrated by a strong, testosterone-loaded voice (see Trailer talk article from www.theage.com). No one wants to hear the Nanny narrating the trailer for Star Wars. Or Mel Brooks narrating for Dances with Wolves. I must say, after hearing LaFontaine's deep...strong...and oh, so manly voice in an interview with Bill Weir, I can see the appeal. And I might even start paying attention to trailers next time.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

cougar bait

(koo-grr bayt) n. (1) a small hopeless dog taken out into the bush1; (2) a young, hopeful man yearning to get laid by a young gorgeous babe, but instead gets snagged by a frisky woman twice his age; see more on cougars or urban cougars

It appears that a new species of cougar known to be over 30 years of age and unabashedly flirtatious particularly with younger men was first discovered and recorded at least three years ago. Since then, the cougar population has been growing exponentially. With plastic surgery readily available, a cougar can be released into the wild with more ferocious enhancements most of which, although clearly unnatural and disturbing in ordinary settings, are surprisingly often overlooked by cougar bait after he has unknowingly consumed one too many drinks. Over the weekend one of my older male cousins was appropriately labeled cougar bait. Apparently, 'big talk, small drink' makes you easy prey.

1 source: http://www.findfido.com/ShowNewsStory.asp?StoryID=310

Sunday, February 12, 2006

wintry mix

(wihn-tree miks) n. (1) a somewhat informal meteorological term, used primarily in the United Kingdom, to refer to various mixtures of rain, freezing rain, sleet and snow1; (2) a downloadable font2; (3) a mix of the snowiest cold weather music

Well, today's weather was a wintry mix...but without the rain, freezing rain, and sleet. Just plain ole snow. Almost 30 inches of it. Weather reports announced it as a Nor'easter(!) or the Blizzard of '06(!!) . I was reminded of just how much creativity must go into reporting something as dull as the weather. Let us return to wintry mix. Honestly, what is a wintry mix? Sounds more like a delightful crunchy little snack of snowflake-shaped crackers and bite-sized white chocolate hailstones. Or a colorful medley of squash and assorted root vegetables seasoned with feel-good. But to the marketing department over at the weather station, "wintry mix" apparently best describes a dreadful combination of some of the most bitter and unsavory precipitation to plague poor commuters on their way to work. Huh. Yes, what better way to kick off your ugly commute to work on a rainy-freezing-sleetish-snowy day than with a little bit of drool on the corner of your mouth as you hear Al Roker report today's weather as a "wintry mix?"

1http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wintry_mix
2http://www.1001fonts.com/font_details.html?font_id=1523

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

wew

(wew) n. an ugly female ghost with drooping breasts1; Don't be such a wew.

I heard this term read aloud from Karl Pilkington's diary on the 10th episode of The Ricky Gervais show. Unfortunately, due Stephen Merchant's thick British accent I could not exactly make out the source from which Karl discovered this odd and rather useless word. It sounded like "4-T-N Times." That's the best I could do. Come to think of it, I've probably misspelled the word wew itself too. Regardless, it's such an uncommon word that this is probably all you'll ever have to know about it anyway.

1 quoted directly from The Ricky Gervais Show 02.06.2006 podcast.

Monday, January 23, 2006

[the] office

(aw-fiss) n. (1) an office is a room or other area in which people work, but may also denote a position within an organisation with specific duties attached to it1; (2) headquarters of a wrestling organization2; (3) a rare example of fine television programming in this dark era of puke-inducing reality shows and painfully unfunny sitcoms, originally created by the Brits, but now made available to Yanks too

Just discovered that there exists a blog Schrute-Space created by Dwight Schrute, one of the quirkiest characters on the American version of The Office. It is not clear if it is actually written by Rainn Wilson (the man behind Dwight), but it's convincingly Dwight-ish. Here are some of "Dwight's" thoughts on winter taken from his January 18 posting:

PS. Thoughts about winter.

Winter is the coldest season. For a reason. The sun moves south, to warm up the Africans and the Australians and leaves us in the northern climes to fend for ourselves in the sleet and the frost.

He concludes his P.S. remarks with some Canada-bashing. Funny.

It seems like there is a real push to bring made-up characters on tv to life. It's not enough that we escape our real work lives for half an hour once a week to pretend that we are part of another one, but now we can continue pretending that our Office friends are real outside of that half-hour window. Now we can not only read the made-up profiles of these made-up characters of t.v. shows but read about their made-up thoughts on their made-up lives.

1source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Office
2source: http://www.wrestlenotes.com/wrestlingterms.html