bleef

bubby

2006-04-19T08:44:00.000-07:00

(buh-bee) n. (1) a supplier of marijuana; (2) an affectionate Jewish grandmother; (3) a woman's breast or one of a pair of bubbies; (4) a great brunch spot in NYC; (5) the name of a baby echidna, an unusual mammal (monotreme) commonly known as spiny aneater that lays eggs and suckles its young (see RIGHT image); (6) a sad, divorced, loving middle-aged father's little boy

It turns out the term bubby is not just "bobby" or "booby" spelled wrong. Bubby is its own term and can be used as an affectionate label for grandmothers, little boys, spiny anteaters, and other loved ones...like your local drug dealer. It looks like there is a bubby in some shape or form in everyone's life.

second virginity

2006-03-22T19:58:00.000-08:00

(se-kund vur-ji-nitee) n. a state of having technically lost one's virginity in the heat of a moment while a soulful virginity is saved for a man/woman that one truly cares for, e.g., 'Being a second virgin doesn't mean I can't have a boyfriend, or make out with a guy at a party.'¹

The state of Gen X Japanese men and their sexual lives have been likened to "camels in a dry spell." Ouch. But before you pass judgment, it seems that these second virgins do not thirst for physical intimacy with a female partner. In fact, they're content with life minus the conjugal visits (see content Japanese male exemplar, right image). Yes, it turns out these Japanese men find life a lot more fulfilling without the periodic hip thrusts. Sex is just an "annoyance." That's too bad because currently Japan has one of the lowest birth rates in the world². It's so bad there that the government has had to enact several plans to encourage women to "stay home and breed." So, what is a nation to do when the baby-making factory has stopped operating? Here's an idea: toss out the disturbingly graphic japanime and sexually-deviant cartoon pussycat and introduce some grown-up porn to the local newsstands. That way, a natural desire for real human female-loving is once again instilled in Japanese men (the straight ones, that is). Real women, having once taken second place after lewd colored cartoon drawings, will feel desired again. And the government can stop racking their brains trying to draw up more effective procreation-promotion policies because love--erm, or lust for that matter--will pave the way.

¹ Excerpt taken from a cheesy sophomore confessional in SEX, ETC. -Stories.
² For more info, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4065647.stm

VoG

2006-03-10T23:31:00.000-08:00

(vee-oh-ji) n. stands for the "Voice of God;" one of the nicknames given to Don LaFontaine, one of five major million-dollar voice-over actors famous for his sexy, husky voice in more than 4000 movie trailers; also see The King of the Movie Trailers

Did you ever wonder who was responsible for all those enrapturing trailer narrations that always start with booming clichés like "In a world where..." or "From the bedroom to the boardroom...?" I know I never cared. And if I did, it was merely because I thought the trailer would've been better off without the annoying, over-played baritone voice pumped through the speakers. Even the most avid movie-goer who has never missed The Twenty and has seen every movie preview in existence at least ten times could probably give a rat's behind about the man behind that trailer voice. So, it may appear to be a rather sad life for The VoG, Mr. LaFontaine...but maybe not so sad when you consider how much dough a deep bellowing voice can get you in Hollywood. It seems that there is some unwritten law that all trailers be narrated by a strong, testosterone-loaded voice (see Trailer talk article from www.theage.com). No one wants to hear the Nanny narrating the trailer for Star Wars. Or Mel Brooks narrating for Dances with Wolves. I must say, after hearing LaFontaine's deep...strong...and oh, so manly voice in an interview with Bill Weir, I can see the appeal. And I might even start paying attention to trailers next time.

cougar bait

2006-02-21T13:43:00.000-08:00

(koo-grr bayt) n. (1) a small hopeless dog taken out into the bush¹; (2) a young, hopeful man yearning to get laid by a young gorgeous babe, but instead gets snagged by a frisky woman twice his age; see more on cougars or urban cougars

It appears that a new species of cougar known to be over 30 years of age and unabashedly flirtatious particularly with younger men was first discovered and recorded at least three years ago. Since then, the cougar population has been growing exponentially. With plastic surgery readily available, a cougar can be released into the wild with more ferocious enhancements most of which, although clearly unnatural and disturbing in ordinary settings, are surprisingly often overlooked by cougar bait after he has unknowingly consumed one too many drinks. Over the weekend one of my older male cousins was appropriately labeled cougar bait. Apparently, 'big talk, small drink' makes you easy prey.

¹source: http://www.findfido.com/ShowNewsStory.asp?StoryID=310

wintry mix

2006-02-12T20:26:00.000-08:00

(wihn-tree miks) n. (1) a somewhat informal meteorological term, used primarily in the United Kingdom, to refer to various mixtures of rain, freezing rain, sleet and snow¹; (2) a downloadable font²; (3) a mix of the snowiest cold weather music

Well, today's weather was a wintry mix...but without the rain, freezing rain, and sleet. Just plain ole snow. Almost 30 inches of it. Weather reports announced it as a Nor'easter(!) or the Blizzard of '06(!!) . I was reminded of just how much creativity must go into reporting something as dull as the weather. Let us return to wintry mix. Honestly, what is a wintry mix? Sounds more like a delightful crunchy little snack of snowflake-shaped crackers and bite-sized white chocolate hailstones. Or a colorful medley of squash and assorted root vegetables seasoned with feel-good. But to the marketing department over at the weather station, "wintry mix" apparently best describes a dreadful combination of some of the most bitter and unsavory precipitation to plague poor commuters on their way to work. Huh. Yes, what better way to kick off your ugly commute to work on a rainy-freezing-sleetish-snowy day than with a little bit of drool on the corner of your mouth as you hear Al Roker report today's weather as a "wintry mix?"

¹http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wintry_mix
²http://www.1001fonts.com/font_details.html?font_id=1523

wew

2006-02-08T22:11:00.000-08:00

(wew) n. an ugly female ghost with drooping breasts¹; Don't be such a wew.

I heard this term read aloud from Karl Pilkington's diary on the 10th episode of The Ricky Gervais show. Unfortunately, due Stephen Merchant's thick British accent I could not exactly make out the source from which Karl discovered this odd and rather useless word. It sounded like "4-T-N Times." That's the best I could do. Come to think of it, I've probably misspelled the word wew itself too. Regardless, it's such an uncommon word that this is probably all you'll ever have to know about it anyway.

¹ quoted directly from The Ricky Gervais Show 02.06.2006 podcast.

[the] office

2006-01-23T18:40:00.000-08:00

(aw-fiss) n. (1) an office is a room or other area in which people work, but may also denote a position within an organisation with specific duties attached to it¹; (2) headquarters of a wrestling organization²; (3) a rare example of fine television programming in this dark era of puke-inducing reality shows and painfully unfunny sitcoms, originally created by the Brits, but now made available to Yanks too

Just discovered that there exists a blog Schrute-Space created by Dwight Schrute, one of the quirkiest characters on the American version of The Office. It is not clear if it is actually written by Rainn Wilson (the man behind Dwight), but it's convincingly Dwight-ish. Here are some of "Dwight's" thoughts on winter taken from his January 18 posting:

PS. Thoughts about winter.
Winter is the coldest season. For a reason. The sun moves south, to warm up the Africans and the Australians and leaves us in the northern climes to fend for ourselves in the sleet and the frost.

He concludes his P.S. remarks with some Canada-bashing. Funny.

It seems like there is a real push to bring made-up characters on tv to life. It's not enough that we escape our real work lives for half an hour once a week to pretend that we are part of another one, but now we can continue pretending that our Office friends are real outside of that half-hour window. Now we can not only read the made-up profiles of these made-up characters of t.v. shows but read about their made-up thoughts on their made-up lives.

¹source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Office
²source: http://www.wrestlenotes.com/wrestlingterms.html

whoop

2006-01-22T17:23:00.000-08:00

(wuhp) v. to whip¹ (the standard, PG-13 definition); n. the high pitched sound that escapes from a woman's mouth when someone unexpectedly gives her "the shocker"² (a notable onomatopoeia turned not-so-PG-13 definition); Whoop That Trick (Get 'em), a delightful rap by Terrence Howard (DJay) heard on Hustle & Flow; whoopass (i.e., "killer"), a company that makes customized bobble-heads (?!)

Craig Brewer's Hustle & Flow (2005) was a whoopass movie. Songs like "Whoop That Trick (Get 'em)" and "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp" sing about the hard-knock life that your typical, struggling pimp in Memphis has to endure. Unlike the portrayal of pimps on the Hollywood big screen and in assorted 50 Cent music videos, Hustle & Flow pimp culture stays clear of the bling (well, except for this huge, shiny gold chain that DJay sports around his neck at some point in the movie). The story is hopeful and intended to encourage people to dream. But at the same time, it preaches that dreams don't come easy. And sometimes you gotta go to jail to make them happen.

^1,2source: www.urbandictionary.com

dreamsicle

2006-01-16T20:10:00.000-08:00

(drEm-si-cul) n. (1) a frozen popsicle composed of an orange sherbert shell on the outside and frozen milk on the inside, not to be confused with its close cousin, creamsicle; (2) a type of alcoholic drink that typically consists of orange juice, some liqueur, and some milky substance (e.g., ice cream, half-and-half); (3) a Jimmy Buffet song; (4) an uplifting, feel-good album of heartwarming Christian songs by Fellowship Of The Woodlands filled with allegorical references relating the enjoyment of this frozen treat to God's dream for you (if you're Christian); (5) an analogy used by Stephen Colbert on tonight's episode of The Colbert Report to honor MLK's contribution to humanity

Today, on this MLK Day, I witnessed a new meaning ordained to the word dreamsicle in a live taping of The Colbert Report. As a tribute to the late Martin Luther King, Jr., Colbert chose the dreamsicle, this ice-cream truck favorite as the dessert to honor the man to whom we owe our day off from school/work. Colbert stated boldly, "I have a dream-sicle" several times, each time before taking another big bite out of this delish frozen treat until he was stricken by a sudden brain freeze. He challenged his audience to imagine the orange representing white people and the white cream inside to representing black people...then it's something like white people hugging black people in harmony. The enjoyment of a dreamsicle shall never be the same. Well spoken, Stephen.

smerr

2006-01-15T20:11:00.000-08:00

(smur) n. (1) an unpleasant, unexplainable odor (usu. relating to the body), literally or figuratively-speaking, you smerr!; (2) some Serbian word

This variant on the English word smell was originally created circa 2005 after mispronouncing the word with a heavy, exaggerated (and probably innaccurate) Chinese accent. The literal meaning remains the same as smell, albeit, with a slightly more negative connotation. It is often used as an insult. For example,

You: Would you like to come over and bake cookies with me today?
Friend: No, that's gay.
You: Fine, you smerr!

For another example of an emphatic use smerr, see geriatric punks.

(Serbian definition currently unknown, therefore, no examples can be provided at this time.)

starlight

2006-01-14T11:03:00.000-08:00

(stahr-lIt) n. (1) light from the stars; (2) the special thing about someone that attracts you to him/her, ...the partner you once loved and cherished and saw as though saturated with starlight now feels more like a low-level infection...¹

They've finally done it. Scientists have figured out a way to understand starlight; such complex behavior as love can be explained as a mere series of chemical processes. Although the debate persists about whether love is really some crazy western-world-fabricated ideology introduced by some sick joint venture between 1-800-FLOWERS and deBeers, for all the lovelorn cynics out there, National Geographic's February cover story provides some scientific evidence supporting that hokey feeling we refer to as love. For instance, the physiological state of 'romantic love' (think horse-and-carriage ride through Central Park in the moonlight) can be explained as an imbalance of dopamine levels. Evidence for this is presented in an fMRI study by Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University which showed increased activity in the caudate nucleus (site of an abundance of dopamine receptors). 'Attachment'--that duller stage in the relationship where the once fierce embrace fizzles into an affectionate bear hug--is characterized physiologically as a steady secretion of oxytocin.

Not to de-romanticize the notion of love, but really, in the end that feeling that we always struggle to find words to describe can in fact be described fairly well in chemical equations. It's only a matter of time before we find oxytocin and dopamine supplements right next to birth control pills in the medicine cabinet. But before you place your pre-orders at your local pharmacy, you may want to consider less invasive solutions like a course on kissing (?!) to revive that starlight.

¹Slater, Lauren. (2005). This thing called love. National Geographic, February, 39.

the story of bleef

2005-08-29T22:23:00.000-07:00

i spent the last several years avoiding blogs like the plague. but today, after many hours of mindless surfing, i was lured to the dark side of senseless communication with virtual strangers.

bleef, the title of my blog, is inspired by a term that my cousin and i developed back when we were young and highly imaginative. we created it in an effort to dupe our younger (then more naive) cousin into believing that "bleef" existed and was really just another form of beef. to this day, we like to believe that he was fooled for a while. and maybe he would've even liked to try a piece of bleef had it been an earthy substance. "bleef" represents all things imagined, but will never be realized. and thus begins my online diary of aimless thoughts and empty fantasies.